if tomorrow never comes
by abbyli
Summary: She watches him go off the rails when Stefan dies. darker!Damon, damon/caroline a.u.


**title: **if tomorrow never comes (will you be here)

**summary: **She watches him go off the rails when Stefan dies. darker!Damon

**pairing: **caroline/damon, some stefan/caroline, klaus/caroline friendship

**rating: **strong T

**disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**notes: **This is a dark redo of 'just let me hold you and we'll both fall down'. More of a 'what if' scenario, if Caroline couldn't get through to Damon right after Stefan is killed. It takes a little bit more of ass kicking and just a bit more love along the way.

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'**say' by john mayer**

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_**if tomorrow never comes**_

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He goes off the rails when Stefan dies.

And she watches.

She should feel for him but right now, she's too wrapped up in her own grief for the loss of her best friend. She's missing Stefan like crazy right now and every night when she lays down to try to sleep, all she sees is those beautiful green eyes that made every girl swoon. And in the end, it was she who earned the right to look into those eyes and get lost.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees his brother slowly losing touch with reality. He goes back to the Damon that she knew way back when, the Damon that just didn't give a damn and took and killed and did whatever the hell he wanted.

She hates that Damon.

She can recognize a flipped switch anywhere.

Caroline used to think that it was all about Elena, all about every person's love for her and their desire to sacrifice themselves for her. She never thought that when it actually happened, when Elena actually died, Damon and Stefan Salvatore would be able to walk away, to survive. But they did, and slowly...carefully...they became brothers again.

She missed Elena and always would.

It was time to say goodbye.

For a while, it seems like everything is going to be okay. She prepares to go off to college and enjoy life as a teenager and young adult before she has to start moving around, changing her identity and reliving her life over and over again. She sees Stefan planning on going with her, sharing a brotherly (not) goodbye with Damon and earning a spot at Yale in the pediatrics medical program. Damon informs them of his plans to sulk around the town for a bit longer and then maybe he just might pop over to New Haven and pay them a little visit.

She doesn't ignore the fact that her stomach swoops with joy when those words leave his mouth.

It's the night before they are going to leave when it happens.

A hunter from out of town, one that she had never seen before, shows up out of no where.

Stefan's holding his still beating heart in his hands when he hears Caroline's scream.

And sees the stake sticking out of his chest.

Tears blur her eyes and she begs him to hold on, ripping the stake away and there's so much _blood. _Damn it, there's so much blood.

The last look he gives her is full of love and absolute gratitude. His shaking hand reaching up to brush away one of those tears, or maybe one of her thick flaxen curls, to see her eyes better. She's not sure.

And he's gray and cold and lifeless and ashy and just so _dead. _

She pretends not to hear his brother's scream when she carries him home.

**-;**

In her eyes, tomorrow never comes after that.

She knows that she can't grieve forever. Stefan will find a way to come back from the other side and give her an ass kicking to boot if she does just that.

The school allows her to defer her scholarship until January and she takes that time to grieve. To find it in herself to move on.

She sees more 'animal attack' headlines showing up in the paper and knows that Damon's doing exactly the opposite.

It's when her mother calls her, terrified and crying, telling her that something horrible has happened, that she knows just how bad this is.

Her mother is outside in the alley way behind the Grille, bleeding from the neck, tears streaming down her grimy cheeks, but alive.

Caroline gives her some blood to heal her and takes her home, putting her to bed and planning on compelling her in the morning. The real Damon would never forgive himself for harming the only other friend he had in this town (Alaric being dead for three years now) and her mother isn't the type to live and let go. She's just relieved that her mother's okay because well, outside of that shallow jerk who's ass is going to get kicked, her mom and Bonnie are the only people keeping her going right now. If she had lost either one of them, she may as well throw in the towel and become the Ripper that Klaus always wanted her to be.

Her mother told her about what Damon had done, coming up to her at the Grille and luring her outside to talk about the 'animal attacks' in the town. It had been then when he had attacked her but the vervain in her system had knocked him down. He left her there, bleeding but _alive. _

**-;**

He's a lot closer than she expected him to be, finding him drinking his fill at a fireside camp about four miles away, deep in the woods, where no one can hear the poor campers screams.

She made sure to drink a few blood bags before taking off after him, knowing that he would most likely snap her like a twig if she tried to face him and hell, she ever thought about calling _Klaus _for help but he's still grieving too and-

Damn it, it makes sense.

It sucks but it finally does make sense.

It was never really about Elena at all. Life went on without her and people could continue on, maybe even live a little bit better without her.

Stefan had had no idea how truly loved he was. Loved by all and now that he was gone from this world, it was crumbling away.

Damon had flipped the humanity switch, Klaus was holed up in his mansion actually minding his own business, Rebekah had fled town, and she was lost in this never ending abyss of pain and just wanting to find the shore.

**-;**

She calls out his name when she sees the firelight and the still trembling form. He's on his feet, kicking the now corpse away from him, blood trickling down his chin, fangs bared.

She knows then that she probably won't be able to snap his neck so easily this time.

No one knew this but she had had a run in with Papa Original Mikael for a brief moment. He had recognized her as the creature that invaded his step son's thoughts and told her that she had spunk and could be a great and powerful creature without the human blood. He had told her that he had admired her courage for only taking one life right after being turned and to think about just feeding on vampires.

The thought of feeding on vampires never even invaded her mind until now, as she stared at Damon's powerful form.

When a vampire had blood taken from them unwillingly, it would immediately weaken them, maybe even knock them out. It could do things that just breaking a neck could not do.

She's fed and she's strong. She can take him.

Maybe.

"Damon, please stop," she whispers before he springs.

Her teeth tear into his throat, the warm blood pouring into her mouth. She takes it in, feeling him weaken right before her, practically going limp in her arms.

He gives in, not giving a flying fucking damn anymore and she hates it. She wants him to fight her, goddamn it! But he won't, he practically refuses.

She gathers him up in her arms and carries him home.

**-;**

"Is he all right?"

She's alarmed to hear the actual concern in Klaus's voice and gives a weak nod that she knows he can hear.

"I fed on him, Klaus."

There's a weak chuckle from the other end covered up by a cough that sounds like it could have been a sob.

"You did what you had to do, love." He's silent again for a moment before she hears those words. "Do you want me to compel him?"

The thought had crossed her mind. For Klaus to compel him like he had compelled Jeremy. For Klaus to make him forget all the pain, the suffering, the agony of loss.

But she can't.

She'd have to make him forget Stefan and there's no way she can do that. There's no way she can ever forget that pure soul of his or the way he could smile and light up a room and-

"No."

**-;**

He sees the glass of water set down, taking in her scent along the way.

She smells of blood and him.

"What did you do to me?" he groans, rising up to a seated position on the sofa, his hand rubbing his now clean neck.

"What did you do, Damon?" she whispers, staying a good distance away in case she had to fly. She wasn't going to fight him again.

He doesn't look at her, he won't look at her, when he answers. "I was having some fun and you ruined it."

At the mere mention of the word _fun_ she loses it.

She finds herself pushing him into the opposing wall, her hand around his throat, knee pressed into his groin. Her fangs are bared and tears burn behind her eyes, sheer agony gripping her own throat.

"Damn it, why won't you fight?! Why won't you fight me?! This isn't the Damon that I know!"

He just smirks at her, eyes dead and lifeless. "Caroline, I don't care. Get used to it."

She believes him.

And she hates it.

"Fine."

He falls to the floor in a heap, eyes still adjusting. He realizes that she's gone and then before he knows it, she's back.

Holding at least ten blood bags in her hands.

"You've flipped your switch? Fine, I'll do it too!" She rips the top off of the first blood bag, remembering exactly what caused Stefan to break away. She turns it upwards and drains it within seconds, hand already reaching for the second.

"Caroline-"

"What, Damon? Isn't this what you've wanted to see? Your only living sire the perfect vampire? Come on, join me. Let's finish these and then go find some at the Grille to coax outside and drain. That should be fine."

She dumps the fourth bag down her throat, head swimming with the ecstasy of it all.

"Caroline-"

"Oh, I know! Let's find some school tomorrow, maybe even Mystic Falls High and compel and feed our way through there. I think that would be great!"

"Caroline!"

Her hand freezes half way to the fifth bag.

"What Damon?"

He's shaking and trembling and sweating and just so...he looks so young.

That same hand comes back, wiping the blood off of her chin. Her eyes trace his form and her undead heart breaks just a little bit more.

His tears are hot against his cheeks, hot against her hand as she brings her palm up to wipe them away.

She finds that she can't wipe away his tears, or even hers. The time finally came to grieve, to let it all out.

Stepping even closer, Caroline knows that this is it. She's witnessing a true miracle right here, the real edges of humanity finally breaking their way back through.

"I couldn't save him."

Her tears spill down, blurring her vision. She reaches out clumsily and feels his body press into her arms, his face buried in her shoulder. His tears are hot beside her neck, practically burning her skin. She doesn't even bother to murmur that idiotic nonsense of soothing words, just pulls him closer and feels his own arms circle her and pull her close and they just let it all go.

The tears are still slipping down his cheeks when he pulls away, allowing the grief to come pouring out.

"It's not fair!" he shouts. "It's not fair! He was gonna get out, he was going to have a life with you and be a doctor and have that life that he deserved! We were okay, Caroline! We were finally okay!"

She stands there, watching as he takes the table and pushes it over with such force that the floor splinters.

"And-" he's breathing heavily, voice choked with sobs and tears. "And he was going to be happy! I was the one that was supposed to die, not him!"

Her undead heart skips a beat and she wishes that she hadn't heard those words. He may has well has screamed them at the top of his lungs but they only came out in a tiny whisper, choked with agony.

His hand reaches up, practically clutching at his forehead, trying to hold back that sea of pain. His other hand darts out, looking for something, _anything _for him to hold onto.

And then he feels her fingers within his.

Both of them go to the floor at the same time, Caroline practically crawling to get to him. Her arms reach out and wrap around his trembling form, pulling him close. They meld into each other, holding each other like they are each other's last link to life.

And maybe they are.

She's not sure.

But all she knows is that she's never letting go.

**-;**

The loss of Stefan created a huge hole that not even time could fill. In the end, it was friendship. It was joy. And it was the possibility to move on.

Damon didn't plan on living forever now because his brother wasn't going to be there. He could only hope that Stefan had found a place in the afterlife where he could be happy. He prayed that he wasn't stuck on the other side, trying to find a way out.

He hoped that his little brother found some peace.

The blonde next to him gives him a smile.

"How are you?" she asks, a finger tracing it's familiar circle on the back of his hand.

He casts her a similar smile. And for the first time in what seems like years, it doesn't feel forced.

"I'm all right."

And somewhere good, maybe hanging from that star that his brother wanted to spend eternity on, he can see him smiling.

**-;**

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**Like I said, I have no idea why I wrote this. **

**Reviews are appreciated. Thanks guys. Much love and have a safe week. **


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